Friday, February 25, 2005

Top 10 Quotes for Life

These are a few I've found amusing over the years and keep coming back to. Basically, more self affirming tosh that had nowhere else to go but might make a good email footer for some sorry little bugger somewhere:

  1. "The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder" - Alfred Hitchcock.

  2. "Who the [heck] wants to hear actors talk?" - H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

  3. "After The Wizard Of Oz I was typecast as a lion, and there aren't all that many parts for lions" - Bert Lahr.

  4. "Coffee without caffeine is like sex without the costumes" - Duckman.

  5. "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer" - Douglas Adams.

  6. "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects" - Robert A. Heinlein.

  7. “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read” - Groucho Marx.

  8. “An Animated Cartoon Theology (or, everything I learnt in life I learnt from cartoons):

    a. People are animals.
    b. The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
    c. Life is antagonistic to the living.
    d. The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and plucked for music.
    e. The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own cunning.
    f. The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own momentum.
    g. We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us”

    - E. L. Doctorow, The Book of Daniel.

  9. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants” - A. Whitney Brown.

  10. "This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence" - Vivian, The Young Ones
I don't feel any better for having written this out and it has enlivened my being in no way whatsoever. I never thought it would.
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