Legal, DECENT, honest and truthful!

I've had to change my 'comments' stuff on my blog as I am miffed off with them being used to advertise someone else’s crud.

I work in Search Engine Optimisation, and it's narrow minded, weak of vision, pathetic, semi-automated, link hungry, flat headed, illiterate, juvenile, flatulent, spam-mongers like this that gives the work of serious online marketeers the worst of names.

Why should I have to suffer their thinly veiled, generically bland commentary and platitudes that has obviously only been created with the soul purpose to cow-bar in some trawlable link to the webcam charms of a 19 year old. Trust me, if I find I need the services of a Viagra vendor I am perfectly capable of finding my own.

I apologise to my friends and to the genuine well wishes, you will now have to authenticate postings via a short security system to prevent automated posting. Unfortunatly, these people have made it neigh-on impossible for genuinely interested visitors to share opinion or to throw their own musings into a (all be it superficial and badly spelt) debate. If I were less a creature I would mail-bomb every last man Jack of you back to the Stone Age and multiply submit your pages so that no search engine would ever register your like again. I just glad Blogger has come up with a midterm solution.

Legal, DECENT, honest and truthful. Have you forgotten, or did this new brand of advertiser never learn?

If you would like to discover how to conduct yourselves properly and effectively within an advertising environment, may I recommend the personal blog of Seth Godin and his highly amusing All Marketeers are Liars. We do not have to let our standards and ethics slip just because the internet provides us with a degree of anonymity. We are not immune. There are better ways of gaining a few trawlable links and click-throughs.

Apologies for the rant, but these people are pond scum, filth-wizards and swine’s to a man.

If you've no clue what I'm whitterin' on about, check this classic article on The Reg.

DVD Review - Hustle, Series 2

"The Con is On, again..."

Just as slick, just as cool, just as smooth and just as glossy. We're back again with that lovable bunch of hard working crooks as they rob from the rich of our capital and give to, well, they keep it actually, but that doesn't stop them being jolly nice people...

Surfing on charm and wits, and covering all the angles, comes the regular tight-knit players. The talented long con artist Mickey Stone, the young fiesty wannabe Danny Blue, the world-weary fixer Ash Morgan, the clever (and drasticly foxy) Stacie Monroe and the old hand (the one and only) Albert Stroller.

Some characters, notably Stacie, are a bit under-used. Extras are a bit thin, but there is a nice and fairly comprehensive BBC style 2-part documentary, 'The Big Finish' - The Making Of Episode Six.

All in all, not much to grumble about, and if you saw or bought the first series don't miss this. Yet another twisty-turny, beautifully scripted, 2 disks of BBC quality drama. Television like it 'orta be.

Please take my licence fee and make another series.

Movie: 4.5 out of 5

Extras: 2.5 out of 5

What I'm doing...

Sometimes, usually at parties or when I get to hang around on shoots, people sort of shuffle their feet, look into their coffee or their JD and Coke, and say the inevitable "So man, er, what is it you do for a living now". Great. In that 'Didn't you have a career once' kinda way...

Many moons ago and back-in-the-day, I did a shed load of SEO (for Mannie and the guys at PNL as well as for my own Internet Marketing co-op venture) when nowbody else knew Jack about the likes of Google, Auntie Yahoo and Uncle Inktomi. Suddenly it's the thing to know and it's deja vu on our classified site and I'm designin' the likes of Houses for Sale in Derbyshire (incorporating Cars for Sale in Derbyshire and Jobs in Derbyshire through an open portal of For Sale in Derbyshire) and the same for Leicestershire, Lincolnshire, Hull and East Riding and rolling out all over the country in the coming year to supliment our AdWords campaign for our This Is Derbyshire, This is Leicestershire, This is Nottinghamshire (etc.) sites.

While not movie orientated, this is actually surprisingly cool because I'm also hip deep in Accessability and W3C stuff, Info Architecture, Design Elements and the whole User Experience thang, plus I'm on constant stand-by for any multi-media projects (now being the official Multi-Media Producer for, I guess, the whole Northcliffe Group) and ready to leap into a shoot like a gazell when the oppertunity arrises.

Plus I still go work with good-old Shafts McGuire and Howard 'H' Smith with the inevitable steadicam rigs and the new MK-V Alien Revolution stuff.

As most will know, there was a big flap last year cos the loverly folks I work with at Northcliffe Electronic Publishing and I got ourselves a 'Childrens Learning' category BAFTA for the key stage 2 history interactive education site, Headline History.

Please go and check it out. It's massive and it was a 2 year labour of love (I doff my cap to Duncan, Andy, The Snellmeister, Julie B, Elaine, Genevera, Jon 'Milkeybar' W, Julian, Ben, JAP and the crew, plus my A-Team of performers from Burton Theatre). I don't think I've ever worked as hard on anything, ever. I was co. designer, technical coordinator, director, sound and video editor, a plethora of assorted hats. We also won a load of other shiny desk fodder as well, too numerous to go into.

So now you know what's occurin'. I can say 'oh, it's on my blog' and you can follow some links and witness the pitness and it'll stop me having to justify my existance at parties untill the wife chirps up with the thoroughly scripted 'He got a BAFTA you know' (actually, she loves that line, almost as mush as my mum does).

Back to movies soon, uber streamin' stuff again. We have plans here and I'll post any news when I'm allowed. Things are afoot at NEP, this is a very exciting time but Duncan and Julie B would butcher me if I said too much ;-)

Boomshanka.

DVD Review - Sahara

A catchey title, and another free DVD to add to the folders of tosh even if they did cut it to pices on This Is Wherever DVD Reviews cos I can't write to even the most basic word count...

"Potentially hot stuff..."

'Sahara' is the first of what Paramount is hoping will be their new action adventure franchise, a modern day 'Indiana Jones' or a much better 'Tomb Raider' (but with more Johnson's than 'National Treasure') with that healthy early Bond feel that (sensibly) takes itself less than seriously. Fingers crossed for them.

Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) is obsessed by a big boat. This master explorer, ex-navy seal, and improbably named 'Clive Cussler' character (I've just read the first book and enjoyed it, with a pinch of salt) has been looking for a lost ironclad that disappeared at the end of the American Civil war, chock-full to the plimsoll line with Confederate bullion, and he thinks he might just have a lead. The trail leads to Mali; a country in the middle of a civil war and governed by a particularly nasty warlord by the name of General Kazim (Lennie James). Pitt and his world-weary and long suffering navy buddy Al Giordino (Steve Zahn) have only seventy-two hours to sneak into the country, but this'll to be no holiday-in-the-sun...

McConaughey leaps salamon-like to the challenge in a charismatic and physical role that could well shove him back into the big leagues. Steve Zahn plays, well, Steve Zahn really, no change there, but I suppose he's a natural at it. His character Al provides some outstanding and supportive comic relief, andding a crin and smoothing the cheese. The "Madonna of Madrid", Penélope Cruz [oh yes, ya would], plays Eva Rojas, a World Health Organisation doctor investigating a new plague that is spreading out of Mali, and it's a strong role for a gifted actress who brings a dash of class to the movie. In general the performances are good and the film has a real sense of fun as well as adventure, making the escapades of Dirk Pitt a welcome addition to the action adventure genre. This film isn't just about blindly hunting for treasure; there are interwoven threads of African Civil War and man-made plague, which oddly make the story more plausible and watchable than the usual mainstream Hollywood flick. Look out for William H. Macy as 'The Admiral' and Lambert Wilson playing another sleazy 'slightly-foreign-businessman' with effortless ease.

On the negative side, however, if Paramount want something to be 'the latest new action franchise' they should pull out a few more stops with the DVD extras. Alas we get just the basics a weak arsed docco. A lack of additional content isn't worthy of boycot, but in this day and age we expect 'better from the medium', and it's a good job the overall quality of the film makes up for the deficit.

Movie: 4 out of 5
Extras: 2 out of 5

DVD Review - Bewitched: The complete 1st season...

Okay, the unedited version of the review they asked me to write for the This is network. Brace for lame tag line and self opinionated waffle...

"You’d be mad to turn your nose up…"

On August 1st 2005, courtesy of Sony Entertainment, this Emmy Award-winning series' comes to DVD. It’s about time. Pity it’s taken the marketing for the up-coming movie (starring the perfectly cast Nicole Kidman) to shake Sony into action and this hasn’t happened before.

If you don't know ‘Bewitched’ yet, you should. Elizabeth Montgomery stars as the enchanting Samantha Stephens, a pretty, typical 60’s American housewife who just happens to be a witch (the theme being hijacked from the 1942 movie classic ‘I Married a Witch’, with Fredric March and Veronica Lake). Basically, our Samantha falls in love with a mortal, a young advertising agency copywriter Darren. She reveals all on their wedding-night, and Darren (understandably having kittens and no doubt resisting the temptation to duck her in a mill pond and crisp his new spouse at the stake) makes it pretty clear this is going to be a hokus-pokus-free marriage.

Because she's head over heels for hubby (love concurs all in this kitsch and twee half Wiccan suburbia) Samantha is willing to forsake her ancient craft. But can she? Will her wicked mother or fearsome father let her? And what will happen if she just happens, almost by accident, to twitch that delightful nose? Will hubby actually notice if his dinner appears on the table via magical means or if his wife does the full ‘Sorcerers Apprentice’ with the dishes afterwards? And trendy ex-girlfriends of Darrins look a lot less smug what green and covered in warts...

This show was magic, spellbinding, and a hundred other positive witchey puns that leaves you wrapped in the warm blanket of nostalgia and safe that “all will be back to normal at the end of the show”. Although there is a lot here to place it firmly in the 1960s (atrocious antwacky decor, mild political incorrectness, lots of smoking and drinking and inviting the boss over for dinner unannounced), it was actually revolutionary in its time and there are still plenty of reasons to catch up with the world's most enduring prime-time witch. This is an American TV classic, proving that (before the days of ‘Worlds Greatest Police Trousers’) they could sure make TV across the pond.

In the first season there are a respectable 36 episodes that introduce one of the funniest ensemble casts in American TV history. The rubber faced and rubber kneed (you’ll see what I mean) Dick York as Samantha's mortal husband Darrin, the irrepressible Agnes Moorehead as his witch of a mother-in-law Endora, Alice Pearce as nosey neighbour Gladys Kravitz, George Tobias as her oblivious husband Abner and Marion Lorne as dotty Aunt Clara. Oh, and look out for some of the great 60’s supporting actors, ranging from Raquel Welch as an airline hostess to the unmistakable Adam Ward (holy character called Kermit, Batman).

The DVD’s are packed with extra content including featurettes (The Magic Unveiled), a full length theatrical trailer, the usual subtitles, languages, and full screen presentation, plus a bloopers reel (Magic and Mishaps).

Movie: 4 out of 5
Extras: 3.5 out of 5

DVD Review - Billy Elliot

‘Kinda like Kes with tutus…’

If you haven’t heard the name Billy Elliot then you’ve been living under some kind of a cinematic stone since mid 2000. You know, plucky young Billy Elliot, the lad from a broken home, who, under the shadow of the ’84 coal miners strike, chose ballet over boxing. You must know it; it’s kinda like Kes with tutus.

Billy Elliot is as British a film as can be and it's probably, much as it pains me to say, well deserving of the truck-loads of awards that have been ladled on it and it's cast and crew. Okay, so ‘classic’ is probably too strong a word for it, but it’s a big favourite amongst fans and critics, encouraging swathes of spotty young boys to apply to the Royal Ballet School and to do whatever it is that blokes do at places like that (somehow I can't imagine them nickin' traffic cones, suppin' too many happy-hour Stella Snakebites in the Uni bar and painting green stocking and sussies on a statue of Lord Palmerston).

The background of the strike is handled pretty damn sympathetically (though larger-than-life) and holds together as beautifully as the cinematography, often appearing understatedly in the background with a nod of comedy, in delicate and purposeful shots alike.

Performances are complex but believable, from the likes of Julie Walters (in her Oscar nominated role as Billy’s dance teacher) and Gary Lewis as Billy’s father, struggling to keep his family together as an impoverished and single-minded striking miner, ‘mad-as-a-bag-of-cats' Grandma (the excellent Jean Heywood) and Jamie Draven (Billy’s bullying brother) will leave you in no doubt that the critical praise that's been lavished on Billy and his family is well and truely deserved.

To be honest, all the young performers are exemplarity. Young Jamie Bell (Billy) was a total unknown at the time of casting; but it was a brave choice that stood Stephen Daldry (Dir.) in good stead. The talented, young newcomer adds a level of hutspar to Billy that you can’t help admire. Real anguish, determination, some excellent dancing and spot on comic timing. One talented young man, who's very much deserving of his heaving sideboard of related awards.

There are some quality extras on this edition, all on the second disk. There is the ‘Real Billy Elliot Diaries’ and ‘From Screen to Stage’ featurette plus the fan pleasing (though not to my taste, I found it vomitous) ‘music’ section allows you to play each song from the film individually or all together (with or without a director’s commentary) and the ‘making of’ documentary (that’s really more ‘a story of the film’) with loads of interviews with the major cast and crew for those who like that kinda thing. I don't..

The film is still outstanding, even if the DVD could be pigeon holed as nowt more than a whopping great advert for the new stage production of the same name. For fans of the movie there is more to see with the new extras queing for review on the second disc. New buyers will no doubt be happy. As for upgrading (and I guess the true fans will do anyway) I'd say don't unless your sniffing after info on the new show. The casual viewer, with little interest in the stage production or deleted scenes, may well do better to stick with their old copy.

Either way, this is what low budget British cinema should be doing. Giving us quality talent in well penned and inspiring stories.

Movie: 4.5 out of 5
Extras: 3.5 out of 5