DVD Review - Carnages.

“Meaty drama may be an acquired taste”

After a Spanish matador (Julien Lescarret) is shish-kebabed by a gigantic majestic hunk of steak, the unfortunate bovine is taken to the abattoir where he's cut up into more manageable pieces and posted around Europe.

The ears are placed under the corner of the bullfighters bed, as an honour. An Italian actress sells one the animals bones (as part of a supermarket promotion) to a couple for oversized Great Dane of their epileptic little girl (an excellent performance from Raphaelle Molinier). The animals doleful brown eyes find their way to an unfaithful scientist (Jacques Gamblin), who is indulging in an affair behind the back of his pregnant wife (the Portuguese singer Lio). A sweet natured French amateur taxidermist (Bernard Sens) receives the beast’s horns from his proud and doubting mother, as a birthday present. Some of the meat finds it’s way to the plate of a woman (Angela Molina) in a Spanish restaurant.

Yes, I know it sounds like a load of grim expressionist counter cinema bull, fit only for film students and latte swilling foreign film groupies. General consensus in the office said, that by the back of the box, I drew the short straw here when it came to reviewing this one. So, taking the beast by the horns, I sat down last night to “get it over with”.

We were wrong. There's a lot to like about 'Carnages' that raises it above the common herd. French writer-director Delphine Gleize is obviously a woman with shed loads of creative flair, plus an almost intuitive eye for texture, composition and colour. She effortlessly links these scenarios with visually cunning and respect to a beautifully crafted narrative. Admittedly, 'Carnages' isn’t the most accessible of films, but some brief snatches of humanising comic relief work nicely against the open harshness and docu-drama of the film in general.

'Carnages' uses striking visuals and some strong, under-stated acting to link the lives of this eclectic group of continentals and this keeps your attention for the first ¾ of the movie. While far from being just Euro-bull, it starts to ware a little thin after that and it seems to be trying a wee bit too-hard to convince us of their innate euro-artiness, and may be guilty of buying into their own hype and taking itself a bit too seriously for the English palate.

Bullfighting is undoubtedly one of the best known, although at the same time most polemical Spanish popular customs and, possibly, ‘Carnages' isn’t likely to gain the credit in this country that it just may deserve on the strength of our love of all things four legged and cultural differences alone. This is a red rag to many. Ignore that, it's a nicely shot and challenging movie that’s worth taking a butchers. This film wasn’t the bull I was warned it was going to be, nor the miserabalist butchery foretold by the back of the box. It’s left me curious as to where Gleize's career will lead her next.

On the DVD, you can further dissect Gleize's previously directed short films, a few standard Tartan trailers, a director interview, and a few out-takes.

Movie: 3 of 5

DVD Review - Hustle, Series 1

I'm trying to be good now, I keep gettin' bollocked for making sarcastic comments and writing over 200 words. All nice and smiley then, lets give it a crack, even the unedited version...

"The Con is On”…

From the makers of Spooks comes Hustle, the BBC drama series about a group of four con artists; Mickey Stone, Ash Morgan (a world weary Robert Glenister), Stacie Monroe (the totally gorgeous Jaime Murray) and Albert Stroller (the incredible, one and only, Robert Vaughn) who get back together after Mickey's spell in the klink. Mickey (Adrian Lester) has a plan for one last score before his retirement and wants the best team he can lay his hands on. The over-eager, full-of-himself Danny Blue (Marc Warren), a “short-con artist”, also wants in on the action and invites himself along for the ride.

Presented in Anamorphic Widescreen, features on the disc include an Assembling the team featurette, a Marc Warren Card Trick Easter Egg and interviews with the writer Tony Jordan, the producers and cast.

Hustle is fairly lightweight, but good and glossy fun. The honour among thieves thing never wears thin as they prove, from episode to episode, that “you can’t con an honest man” and that they are the are probably the only honest folk in a dishonest world. Friendship and teamwork, plus slick and stylish and (on occasion) inspired direction, make this a light but quality bit of entertainment that’s harmless to all but “the mark”. Broaden your vocabulary and polish off your spats. The inter character on-screen chemistry is over-flowing.

Okay, so it gets a bit far fetched at times, but it never takes itself too seriously and it has that BBC stamp of production value that offers some truly inspired and well written and skilfully crafted episodes that will keep you guessing right up to the punch line.

All in all, if you don’t mind me saying, an excellent investment opportunity for 2005. Trust me, one thing you wont be is "conned" if you treat yourself to this DVD. Just have a feel of the quality of that, that's not some cheap VHS you know. Don’t let this one pass you buy. Six (yes, count them, six) instalments later and I've studied hard. Now please sent me all your money.

Oh, and don’t forget to look out for the new series, now showing on BBC1 at 9.00 on Tuesday evenings...

Movie: 4 out of 5

DVD Review - Apollo 13: Anniversary Edition

"Houston, we have an extended special edition..."

Basically, stranded 205,000 miles from Earth in a shattered spacecraft, astronauts Jim Lovell, Fred Haise and Jack Swigert wage a desperate battle to survive. A mysterious explosion scrapped plans to land on the moon and turned the operation into a desperate battle to get the three astronauts home. Meanwhile, at Mission Control, astronaut Ken Mattingly, flight director Gene Kranz and a heroic ground crew race against time-and the odds to bring them home while their families show a courage of their own despite an almost certain outcome.

This film is a totally breathtaking adventure that tells a story of courage, faith, audacity and ingenuity that’s all the more remarkable, as it is true! Stunningly shot, this vividly rendered dramatization of Apollo 13's true-life brush with disaster is a mesmerizing motion picture that seamlessly combines computer graphics, archive footage and epic special effects to recreate the amazing story of men who battled astronomical odds to make it back to terra firma.

Based loosely on the book Lost Moon, written by Jim Lovell & Jeffrey Kluger, Apollo 13 is an extraordinarily gripping and accurate depiction of this doomed mission. It takes its time, both in setting up the situation, and in playing it out. We understand the events from the standpoint of the astronauts, their families, and the space program itself, which, after the dramatic first moon landing the year before, was beginning to seem routine to the public and to Congress.

Although the movie's pace is deliberate, it never seems slow. Part of that success is due to the excellent performances, part due to flawless byplay between the astronaut, family, and Mission Control locations, and part to the entertainment value of a perfectly-realized era.

This is a can-do, feel-good DVD of the first order. In fact, this whole DVD is packed with the sheer audacity of mans spirit and the endeavour of human kind

Tom Hanks (as Lovell) gives a poignant and perfectly understated performance, as the veteran astronaut on his last and greatest mission. Bill Paxton, Kevin Bacon, Gary Sinise and Kathleen Quinlan all give some of the best performances of their careers and this film took 9 Academy Award Nominations: including Best Picture, Best Supporting Actor (for Ed Harris), and Best Supporting Actress (the excellent Kathleen Quinlan) and won 2 Academy Awards including Best Film Editing.

Apollo 13 runs 140 minutes, and uses 57 chapters. The new edition contains some worthy “space fan” extras, including "Lost Moon: The Triumph of Apollo 13", "Feature Commentary with Director Ron Howard", "Feature Commentary with Jim and Marilyn Lovell", "Production Notes", "Cast and Filmmakers" and a "Theatrical Trailer”, which is the same extras as on the old Collector's Edition. A second DVD in the set, however, contains the full iMax (70mm) version of the film, a first on DVD, and it’s worth going out an upgrading for this alone. Also included is “Conquering Space: The Moon And Beyond” and the featurette “Lucky 13: The Astronaut's Story”, both of which leave one heady with the tenacity and vision that has driven the human race beyond our planet and into the unknown.

Excellent picture and sound quality, and outstanding extras. A great DVD. Beautiful.

I had 'a moment' (TM) recently. I was at Houston and I was looking at the capsule above when I glanced at the name plaque and realised it WAS Apollo 13. I felt small in the universe and blown away by the audacity of us as a species and the coolness of film...

Movie: 5 out of 5

DVD Review - Alien v's Predator

The uncensored review of AvP as opposed to the sanitised THIS IS one. I'm no MJ, but I get the films for free and I'll give owt a go when I'm bored...

“…putting the franchise to bed.”

Arguably science fiction’s most eagerly anticipated battle is hitting shelves across the UK this month with the release of AVP: Alien vs. Predator. A movie, which takes the two most iconic extra-terrestrial bad-asses ever created, and hurls them against each other in a fight to the death. Bad news for mankind. We’re trapped in the middle so, “whoever wins...we lose”. It's been 8 years since the Aliens last bothered poor Ripley, and 15 since the Predator tried to gut Danny Glover like a fish.

The meat and 2 veg: A sudden rise in heat alerts people monitoring Antarctica that something is buried deep within the ice. The Weyland Corporation, run by CEO Charles Bishop Weyland (Lance Henriksen), get together a crack international team to investigate what appears to be a giant pyramid structure deep under the surface. This team of explorers, led by hardy outdoors type Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan), set out in the hopes of making history. Instead they find themselves in the middle of a war between these two sci-fi legends. Ooops. Turns out that the pyramid is home to the right-of-passage ritual in which teenage Predators are sent to prove their manhood. The enemy is (naturally) the Aliens, primed, psyched up, and ready to slaughter having been recently laid by a captured Queen and gestated in a nice warm Weyland Corporation employee.

Newcastle born writer/director Paul W. S. Anderson is a massive fan of both franchises, so perhaps he overworks them rather than ignores them. Unfortunately the end result shows, what appears to be, a lack of acknowledgement for the films that came before. A Predator in the snow? I thought they only appeared in hot climates. “But we gave them more armour to keep them warm” cries Mr. Anderson. Yes, and changed the Predator costume in the process, alienating the fan-base further. The list of these “errors” is legion and, as the film is made for the fans, should have been better considered and not shelved within the blanket remit of trying to improve on what wasn’t broken. Oh, and where’s the gore? This wasn’t the director's fault, we’re lacking this essential Alien/Predator trademark because of the studios. Aiming for the PG-13 was a mistake for the fans and the rumoured directors cut has yet to surface.

The film has a really nice use of CGI, using guys in suits (in the majority) instead of computerised effects gives it a certain “je ne sais qui”. Mixing this with the obsidian black temple, hiding the classic black Aliens of the first James Cameron film, and some impressive and beautiful Czechoslovakian set building (inspired by Mr. Anderson, who has always been a visual director). To be honest, this movie’s worth the price of admission for the art direction alone, massive caverns and labyrinths woven with a nice of Von Daniken mythos and buckets of cross cultural symbology are pretty damn pleasing on the eye.

There are some nice, if a little condescending, “making of’s” and commentaries on the DVD. The “extended edition” (as it’s called) defiantly ads to the movie, I’d now not consider watching it otherwise, giving us extra opening scenes and scattered goodies throughout.

Basically, AVP is probably a good sci-fi film, but not a good sequel. I liked the extended edit more than I though I was going to and I feel somehow that this has rounded off my sci-fi DVD shelf by finally putting the franchise to bed. Anyway, it was free. I didn’t want to like it as much as I did. Aliens and Predator come with a lot of baggage. Would any film have been truly worthy of the name and the history such a brand affords? In all honesty, perhaps not, but AVP does step up as being brave enough to give it a try and for avoiding being the computer graphics toy advert and “no brainier” that it could have been. In short, buy it if you know nothing about either franchise and need a good sci-fi/adventure romp to fill a miserable rainy evening. Buy it if you’re a completist or a fan (but hide it at the back and don’t admit it to your friends).

Movie: 2.4 out of 5

Extras: 4 ot of 5

DVD Review - Skycaptain and the World of Tomorrow

I got asked, at work, to write a review on a freebee DVD. It's incredibly biased, obviously. Why they give a shite what I think I've no idea but, sod it, it's a potential source of free DVD's so here goes -

If you love the spectacle of cinema, you’ll love “Skycaptain and the World of Tomorrow”. For 106 minutes I was 7 again; fifth row centre of the ABC cinema and it was Saturday morning. I was a kid again with my nose in cheap Asimov and radio sci-fi, watching Boy’s Own cinema re-runs of Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon, overexcited by the world of Fritz Lang and Max Fleischer's Superman cartoons.

This is classic pre-war pulp adventure. The film oozes style, as pulses of radio waves emanate from the RKO transmitter to call Sky Captain into the fray and angular cities bristle with searchlights and German expressionist airships. Stunningly colourised Himalayan ice caves and Lost World jungles brush shoulders with cold ocean-bed seascapes. An unpretentious visual treat and yet surprisingly still glorious even on the small screen (all be it essential wide screen fodder).

Okay, so the plot is so shallow you couldn’t exactly drown in it. After New York City falls prey to a barrage of attacks by (wait for it) giant flying robots, ace reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow) teams up with two-fisted pilot Captain Joe Sullivan (Jude Law, in his best role of ‘04) to fight the stylishly robotic forces of the ever-mysterious Dr. Totenkopf (Laurence “entirely made of computer graphics and stock footage” Olivier) and they bicker their way across the globe to the Mysterious Island (style) secret base and rocket ship finale. Iconography a go-go. We even get an appearance by an underused Angelina Jolie (as Captain Francesca "Franky" Cook) complete with accent crisper still than her Lara Croft and a character so cool that she gets better toys than Sky Captain himself. All the performers do a cracking job of holding character, an accomplishment itself as the entire film was unashamedly made in front of a blue screen with no physical sets and never denies it.

Surprisingly, Skycaptain also ends strongly. Action and adventure films are so common of structure nowadays that I find I can usually guess the last line and final shot. I just don’t expect directors to break formula any more, and while Skycaptain don’t exactly snap the mould it does offer up a solid ending that gives everyone a good chuckle before brushing the popcorn from our laps. Yes there is cheese, but don’t fear the cheese, embrace the cheese. In the world of ten storey robots and Wizard of Oz villains, the cheese is your friend.

All in all, good family entertainment. Even for the younger kids, who may not get the style and genre cross-references, will love the unashamed seat-of-the-rocket-pants action. Don’t forget to check out the deleted scenes and the gag reel, plus a couple of obligatory audio commentaries and a 2 part making-of featurette.

Skycaptain was a ten-year project by writer and first time director Kerry Conran, now rumoured to be in pre-production on “John Carter of Mars” and appropriately bringing his style to this Edgar Rice Burroughs classic. His original six-minute short, which he used as a promo (to convince Hollywood he could do it) for Skycaptain, is included with the DVD extras.

Movie: 5 out of 5
Extras: 4 out of 5

Life in Andromeda

“Wow, you live on a boat”?

Yes, we live on a boat. It’s not impressive; it’s a trailer that floats. It’s not romantic, or nostalgic, or quaint, nor even warm.

We had a financial choice before we got married. Buy a pants house in a decent area, buy a decent house in a pants area, or buy a really nice narrow boat and moor it somewhere beautiful.

Andromeda is made of steel and is 70’ long, around 7’ 4" beam, about 25 tonnes (with all our stuff in her) and has all the mod cons (“Wow, you’ve got a DVD player, and a washing machine!” - well duh!). She'll do a neck wrenching 6.4 mph (flat out with the wind behind her). We’ve been living on her nearly 5 years and I write my blog from the cabin at the stern.

Sure there’s stuff you miss (a bath, bookshelves, space to stretch, warmth, a flushing toilet, a stable electricity supply, a dining table to role-play around) but it was a great choice for us. Any hardships (and winter can be nasty if you’re not ready for it) are far outweighed by the wildlife and the all-round tranquillity of the river. When you look out of the window in the morning and there are two foxes playing in the mist in the field opposite it kinda puts it all in context.

It was a good choice for us as both our families are ‘boaty’. Jema’s dad (Mike, nice bloke) runs River Side Studios (illustrated river maps and angling maps, nature maps etc.) and we go sailing as a family. There are Olympic yachtsmen scattered throughout Jemas blood line. I was brought up around canals and boats. My dad (Rob) builds, designs and rebuilds all kinds stuff (from a 1899 Baltic Trader which had been sitting at the bottom of the River Mersey for donkeys years, to his much acclaimed and custom designed 15' 9" beam Dory Skiffs etc.) and owns UK Epoxy Resins. For us, living on a boat was an obvious choice.

As I say, winter can be tough. We’re well prepared these days and know what’s coming, but having to run a DVD though the DVD player to get it to operating temperature so it’ll work, or dealing with frost on the bedroom floor, makes you wonder sometimes. Then there’s the flooding. Where we moor (on the junction between the Soar and the Trent at Red Hill Lock), in 2000, the river was a staggering 4 miles wide and 11’+ over the bank. Spring and summer are glorious though, and the roof of Andromeda becomes a second living room. You’re really aware of the change of season and you find you keep a constant eye on the weather, but that kinda keeps you awake and is all just part of the process.

We've done a fair bit of work to her over the years. Adding home comforts like a nice oak panneled office for me, a full paint-job in rich blue and cream, engine servicing, full rewiring and all that malarky. There's a lot of ongoing maintenance and rules and regs that have to be adheared to get licences and stuff.

A lot of people ask about the latin on the side, "In Ultisima Olim Ultisima Galactica", it means "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" and that took some translating I can tell ya. Hidden geekiness.

Ahhh, the stories we could tell of the chemical toilet. The time we nearly sank her and she was flooded bow to stern. The time the engine burst into flames and we drifted into the fishing competition. That surreal evening when we met the German oompah band. The bizarre stuff that floats past (let us know if you know anyone in Leicestershire who's missing a greenhouse) when the Soar is in flood. Tales of insane killer swans, of 'the lurker' and of dumb ass nesting ducks. The crackin' locals (hi Jody, Mary, Fiona, Don and Dorothy and all at Soar Bottom Lady Boat Tours and Portable Floormakers etc). The list is endless…

We love her. We don’t intend to live on her forever (the space factor and all) so we’re making the most of her while we’ve got her.

We’re lucky. To share a space this small you have to have a damn good relationship with the person you’re living with.

It’s a good life, and I’d recommend it to anyone.